did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize