Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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