Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
