I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Cover your peen. We're going out.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
