Screwed.edu
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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