Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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