So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
