i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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