Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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