she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
