Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
