I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
