ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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