I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
