I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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