so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
