Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
being pregnant is like rehab
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
