dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
