I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
