did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
