So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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