Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
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I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
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It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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