I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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