just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
