Will you blow on my dice?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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