I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
