Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Randomize
