I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
