If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
