my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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