I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
