I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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