mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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