He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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