i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
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I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
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I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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