Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i was born a porn star she said
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
