I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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