I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
