didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
