I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
