youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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