Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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