Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
