Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
