I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize