YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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