I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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