I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
