have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
