she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I love you. Go after that dick
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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