Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
