I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
