ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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