Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
