Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize