I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
