Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
