I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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