I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
