It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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