He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
