If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Congratulations! We have a period
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