Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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