It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
