Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
