Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
