There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
