If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
