ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
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