So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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