Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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