I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
