We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I want to have your abortion
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize