I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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