I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
