I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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