tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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