Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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