College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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